Let's make some Illinois!

Andrew planned well. There was a Waffle House right across the street from our hotel.

We went there. I had a waffle. I jokingly asked a waitress, "So what do you guys think of IHOP? Is there a fierce rivalry?"

Kathy of Waffle House employ replied, "No, IHOP is good. But there aren't any around here anymore. They still have them in Connecticut."

Connecticut?! I mean, they do, but of all the totally awesome states for her to reference? Go Kathy!

"I'm from Connecticut!," I say.

"Oh, I used to live there -- until my husband found someone he liked better ... for the fifth time."

Ouch. Though Andrew and I were unclear on whether this meant that the same husband had stepped out five times, with the aforementioned fifth occasion being the straw that literally broke the camel's back (OK, not literally. It's an old back-and-forth I had with an old writer of mine.), or whether this was the fifth different husband to cheat. 

Either way, ouch.

Naturally, divorce was quick to follow. Sort of.

Husband the truck driver was away for a while. He came home to find some other dude messaging Kathy on the computer while she was in the kitchen.

Husband: "You can't be doing this! You're my wife!"

Wife: "No, honey, I'm not your wife."

They had been divorced for eight months. And he didn't know it. Brilliant!

Papers had been drawn but not acted upon. Then court date was changed, but guy didn't know and didn't show. And so it was all wrapped up without him even knowing.

This begs many other questions about him returning, etc., but whatever. Fun story.

And good waffle.

---

He seems to like that mug.

So back in 2006, Andrew dragged a bunch of us to Phoenix for Spring Training and the World Baseball Classic for a weekend celebrating the end of his freedom (his wife was very pregnant at the time with their first child). On that trip we went to a Waffle House. Toward the end of the meal, Andrew posed this question to our waitress:

"So how much for one of these mugs," he said, holding up a Waffle House coffee mug.

"Well, if I don't see you take it ...," replied the waitress. Awesome.

Fast forward nine-plus years and Andrew's mug had vanished. So there we were at another Waffle House.

Without sharing incriminating details ... well, never mind.

So we hit the road, and Andrew proclaims that "somewhere in this car is a bag with one pair of underwear in it."

OK.

We roll along interstate whatever toward St. Louis until we see a sign for a winery. Andrew likes wine. I mean, I like wine, but Andrew really likes wine. And really wants to go to this random winery right across the Illinois border. So, we go.

Winery.

Welcome to Castle Finn Vineyard & Winery in Marshall, Ill. Sonya (pronounced sah-nya) is your proprietor. She and her boyfriend live in a neighboring town, which has a population of 2.

They make wine. Including that of rhubarb, cherry, blackberry and blueberry. They also have some cheese, including one called Cojack.

Who loves ya, baby?!

Andrew asks if they serve lollipops with it. Sonya doesn't get it. Andrew explains that in the show "Kojak," Telly Savalas' titular character often was sucking on a lollipop as he tried to quit smoking.

I then asked Sonya if she had heard of Steve McQueen. She said she knew the name but wasn't good with movies or actors, as she watched virtually no TV growing up.

I said I stopped watching TV when "Alf" went off the air.

"Oh, I used to watch that -- I like that show," she said.

Awesome.

So we tasted wine and bought wine. And were relieved to find that the concord grape juice we saw outside was an incorrect delivery, and that different juice would be arriving later that day. Though Andrew had no confidence that it would be much better.

Dead thing on winery wall.

Also learned:

*The town is largely owned by Gerry Forsythe, he of race team ownership fame. He was running Alex Tagliani and Patrick Carpentier in CART/Champ Car back when I was on the beat at ESPN.com. Also, Forsythe apparently has a golf course that costs a few grand per round.

*Sonya, 33, never has been farther west than St. Louis. She was supposed to go to LA with her then-husband, but his sciatica acted up and their would-be host in LA had lupus and was pregnant, so it didn't quite work out.

Then the husband cheated (not sure if he also was a five-timer), they divorced, and she found her current guy. They are going to Vegas soon. Oh, and she has been to Canada and Mexico already.

Andrew procures wine.

*The blackberry wine is their top seller.

So we head back out and roll along the old U.S. highway that parallels the interstate. Then we get back on interstate. Or something. I don't remember. But we find a place that is famous for its "foot-high pies."

We had good luck with pie yesterday. So we go.

The pie sucked.

Back on the road. We pass a Steak 'N' Shake billboard advertising the chain's $4 meals.

Andrew: "I don't think I've ever eaten at a Steak 'N' Shake."
Me: "I think you'd respect what they do."

Oh, the music of the day...

Raconteurs
Decemberists
Steve Earle
Levon Helm
Alison Krauss and Union Station
Dire Straits
     ~Harry might not mind if he doesn't make the scene, but does he care what the rest of the band thinks? What if Guitar George, who knows all the chords, feeds off Harry's energy? Harry's a selfish bastard. Don't quit your daytime job.
REM
Warren Zevon
Belly
Donavon Frankenreiter
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Then Alfred called Andrew. I think he will explain the awesomeness of this better than I can. So I'll leave it to him. For now.

Anyway, we reach Kansas City and hit a famous BBQ joint. Which Andrew also will describe better. So I'll leave it to him. For now.

Then we get to hotel. We get out.

Andrew reaches into the truck.

"Is this my bag of underwear?" he muses, lifting a plastic bag and groping at it. "It is."

B B Q

You thought this would be an underwear pic, didn't you? Sick bastards. Just sick.